NIGHT LIFE IN MOBIUS
This is a newly edited version of a story synopsis that dates back to 1/17/93, when the art staff of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog was informed that the story directors were looking for ideas and inviting submissions. Most of the staff had suffered enough slings and arrows to not even try, but I was still naïve enough to do so, and…was rejected. But I am still proud enough of this story that I find it entertaining to imagine what might have been. It begins with Robotnik trying…and failing miserably…to slug Sonic as he speeds along the road…
Robotnik’s beeper rings; it’s Bionica, his tempestuous girlfriend. Realizing that he is late for a projected evening of candlelight and wine, he pushes the badniks aside and streaks off.
Robotnik arrives at Bionica’s home ignoring her puckered lips, and is preoccupied with thoughts of his vendetta against Sonic throughout the evening. His clouded mind sees the roast Bionica asks him to carve as an image of the hedgehog, and he hacks insanely at it, then wrestles with it on the floor. While Bionica tries to calm him with talk of love, Robotnik decides he’s hit upon a sure-fire idea, and darts out the door.
Melodramatic soap-opera music plays as Bionica, now alone, contemplates her problem: her romance hasn’t a chance as long as her lover is chasing that hedgehog. The answer: SHE will trap Sonic herself!
The next A.M., Robotnik lies in wait with a new weapon: the Sonic Sniffer-Outer, an attachment to his mace that will scent out and signal the precise moment to leap out and assault.
Elsewhere, Sonic and Tails speed along the road and come upon a distressed lady, wailing over a konked-out car motor. Tails whispers a warning to his friend; it is clearly Robotnik’s girlfriend in disguise. Sonic comforts him; he’s wise to that. Playing the gallant, Sonic peers under the car’s hood, taking the opportunity to whisper his plan to Tails. Bionica prepares to klunk both parties on their domes, but Sonic turns and forcibly escorts her to the seat of the car, tut-tutting her every word. He then climbs in under the hood and powers the car to a garage at supersonic speed. Tails clings to the rear bumper; Bionica tumbles to the back seat, too shocked to do anything. They approach Robotnik, whose Sniffer-Outer sounds the alarm. Leaping out of hiding, he is flattened by the speeding car.
Once at the garage, the mechanic finds that Sonic has so overworked the motor that it’ll need service deluxe. Gushing apologies, Sonic escorts Bionica to a chili dog stand while they wait, pulling out her chair and ordering for her. Bionica excuses herself to make a phone call; Sonic winks at the apprehensive Tails.
Bionica moves around the corner to ring Robotnik’s beeper, but, overwhelmed by the charming hedgehog, she decides she cannot pull this underhanded trick. This is the first time she’s been treated like a lady in a long time, and she winds up asking Sonic to join her that evening at the Café Chat Noir, as a way of expressing her gratitude, of course.
Escorted home (and running over Robotnik in the process), Bionica waltzes around her room, excited about this new, mad whirl. She receives a call from the heavily bandaged Robotnik, moaning about his day and asking her for a date that night…to help him change his dressings. Bionica begs off; she will be much too busy.
Disturbed, Robotnik dispatches the Badniks to keep watch and discover exactly what Bionica is busy with. When they report the facts about her date with Sonic, the villain reacts predictably. He resolves to go to the café to nip this in the bud, but decides that to show up alone would look pathetic. Robotnik searches his closets for an appropriate robot escort; the only one in workable condition is in the image of a decrepit horse. He hauls this robot into his converter machine; the result: a horsey-looking female in a cocktail dress.
Chauffeured to the café by Scratch and Grounder, the zoot-suited Robotnik and his date make a dramatic entrance, but Bionica and Sonic are already the dance floor's center attraction. Not to be outdone, Robotnik forces his date into a valiant jitterbug, but the robot short circuits, sparking, bucking like a wild bronco, and finally exploding in a hail of nuts and bolts.
Singed and humiliated, Robotnik slaps the robot back together in a state more horse than human and saddles it, carrying the bewildered Bionica out of the club, the Badniks trailing him in the limo. Sonic takes off in hot pursuit as the nightclubbers cheer him on.
Sonic follows his quarry into Robotnik’s fortress, and finds himself in total darkness as the iron gates slam behind him. Robotnik jeers at the hedgehog from a balcony high above, clad in a Captain Hook outfit with an absurd plumed hat…while Bionica is helpless nearby, gagged and bound to a post. Robotnik throws Sonic a sword, offering him the opportunity to fight for his lady love. But Robotnik’s sword shoots out fireballs, destroying Sonic’s ordinary weapon and chasing him around the torture chamber. Thanks to Sonic’s speed, even when the Badniks join the fray, the villains get the worst of it.
Locked in a struggle, Robotnik backs Sonic onto a long plank on the floor, and signals Grounder to activate a sawmill, which spins as the plank…and Sonic…move toward it. Bionica works free of her gag, screaming a warning to Sonic just as Robotnik jumps off the plank. It’s almost too late, but Sonic’s legs get moving, and he ends up running at high speed atop the whirring blade. Robotnik pulls another lever; with Sonic still atop it, the saw comes loose, spinning backwards into a pit of fire. Is it all over? No! Sonic runs out of the pit atop the saw, now a spinning cylinder of fire which heads toward Robotnik and his minions. Hooting and hollering, they hastily hide in an ammunition closet, followed by the fiery saw.
As the ka-booms ka-boom, Sonic liberates Bionica, who dashes to the dazed, smoking Robotnik. Now convinced of his love because of his desperate efforts, she showers him with kisses even as Grounder tries to warn the pair of one last fuse that refuses to go out. The lovers are blasted into the sky, convinced they are heading to paradise. Down below, Sonic chuckles.
THE END
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